Everything

Nobody knew why Tom was there. He hardly knew himself. He had happened upon Henry’s obituary a week earlier while visiting the Queen. It was discovered during his staff’s customary reading of articles from local papers, which they did anytime they ventured to a town or city outside London. It was another way he had…

“Not all dairy is white.” I said.  “Milk is.” He replied. “Milk isn’t all dairy.” I said back. “Cream, yogurt–” “Butter.” Got him.  “Some butter is white.” “Good butter is yellow.” Really got him. “Ok, that’s one.” “Cheese, chocolate milk–” “Because it has chocolate in it.” He’s right of course but “We still don’t know…

“Julean!” Sang the TV at full blast.  “Cerulean! He’s a blue alien!” Julean peeked out from a booth at the very back of the dark bar, his eyes glued to his own commercial.  “He’s a therapist to the stars!” The commercial came to a fullscreen shot of his face, smiling professionally. He gave the bar…

Did you know, there’s a town off the south coast that’s completely submerged by the ocean at night? And yet it’s the most popular town for miles around during the day. You see, the tide comes in at such a rate around dusk that it covers all of the homes and the shops in the…

Tricky could spot a Speedo from a mile away. It’s all in the hunched back, set in from the countless hours spent in the driver’s seat. It’s worn proudly, like a badge of honor. The real pros are so hunched that the top of their spines actually stick out through their shirt collars. So ugly,…

“Are you Rob Lowe?” Asks the valet. “Yes. Yes I am.” Says Frank.  It wasn’t the first time he’d been asked that question. Hell, he lives off of it. He even has the perfect flattered-for-the-attention expression thing down. So much so that the valet guy reciprocates with the ideal not-sure-what-to-say-next response. “Well…um… here’s your car…